If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
