I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
