His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
