she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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