dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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