Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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