I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
