she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
