good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
