Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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