my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
