so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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