don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
