Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You ruined the universe
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
