there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
do herpes really smell.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
