I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
