i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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