I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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