I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
