I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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