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Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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