The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
