My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
