i need an iv and a liver transplant
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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