I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
