At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
