OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
