You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
