Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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