you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
