yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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