Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
