I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
