we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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