We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
