So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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