FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
