I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
