I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
