'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
