he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
