if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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