I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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