So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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