Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
