Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
