Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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