I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
