i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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