I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
