So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We need a shit load of segways right now
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
